Can marriages thrive when she makes more? According to a great book by Dr. Dawn DeLavallade, more than 26 percent of marriages today feature wives who out-earn their husbands—and that figure is likely to grow. DeLavallade’s book, She Makes More: Inside The Minds of Female Breadwinners, candidly addresses the impact of this trend on families and marriages, including interviews with women about how their assumption of the breadwinner role effected their husbands, for better or worse. Some ended up divorced, others cope in a stressful marriage, and still others found a way to make it work to strengthen their relationship.
Of course, many high-achieving, high-earning women who choose to maintain their single status, whether as never-marrieds or ‘never-marry-agains,’ also admit to experiencing a void, even though they are more than capable of providing for their financial and material needs. Cathy Hughes, the multimillionaire founder of the Radio One media empire, poignantly described the dilemma during a riveting one-on-one interview with Black Enterprise Editorial Director Sonia Alleyne at the 2013 Women of Power Summit in Orlando in February: “Many of us women are married to our businesses and our careers, and [it's] not warm. And it’s not a good look.”
On the other side is the I-can-do-bad-all-by-myself-camp, choosing to live and even parent alone rather than be saddled by a relationship with a man unwilling to find ways, perhaps including but not limited to income generation, to contribute more fully and completely to a healthy marital partnership, his ego and society’s expectations not withstanding.
Thankfully, Dr. DeLavallade goes beyond defining the challenges along the spectrum between each of these extremes, to offering solutions that can provide great discussion points for spouses who want their marriage to thrive regardless of who brings in the most income. One of the most important: the need for husbands to play a leadership role when it comes to financial literacy and managing family finances. Dr. DeLavallade believes it is critical for marital partners to shift their posture away from competing via paycheck to teaming up to execute a strategy for family wealth, even as the amounts and sources of income inevitably change during the course of a marriage. For this and other reasons, it’s important that men, as well as women, read this book.
The reality is, most marriages will likely have to deal with this dynamic at some point, even if it’s just temporary, due to a variety of trends Dr. DeLavallade identifies in her book. The author, a medical doctor, faced this challenge herself when she became the primary breadwinner as her husband was laid off from his corporate job before eventually launching a thriving business.
Be sure to add She Makes More: Inside The Minds of Female Breadwinners by Dr. Dawn DeLavallade to your reading list. You can also learn about the book and its author on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/SheMakesMore.