What if all men had to obtain marriage approval from a girlfriend’s father by providing their credit reports, bank statements and medical records? Would men approach life and marriage preparation a little bit differently?
These are questions Steve faced as a reality when asked for these very items by his girlfriend’s father. What started off as a nervous meeting to request a father’s approval for his daughter’s hand in marriage, ended up being a more in-depth process for earning this approval.
“Wow!” was the first thing that came to Steve’s mind when asked of his response to the father’s request.
“I didn’t know whether to be upset or appreciative,” Steve also added with a laugh.
Fortunately, Steve was able to provide credit reports with scores of 708, 723 and 740. He was also able to show decent savings and a clean bill of health in the records given to the father. However, what if he wasn’t so fortunate? He might have lost out on the ability to receive the father’s support and approval to marry his daughter.
Many of you may believe the father’s request was too extreme and a bit too superficial. However, it actually made me reflect on a father’s role in ensuring his daughter is taken care of when handed-off to her husband. Consider this, as a father you have provided and protected your daughter for 18+ years so she can experience the best that life has to offer. Why would you extend your marriage approval to someone who hasn’t confirmed his ability to provide, support, protect and care for your daughter? Shouldn’t this be the concern of every father who has worked hard to create a positive life for his daughter? I totally understand the intent behind the request despite not necessarily agreeing with the method.
I know you may be reading this thinking, “Shouldn’t the father trust his daughter to make the right decision?” To this question I respond both yes and no. I say yes because the father has to trust that he’s effectively taught his morals and values in a way that his daughter successfully uses them in making life decisions. I also say no because the illusion of love sometimes has a way of clouding a person’s ability to make clear decisions. A father should never want to see his daughter enter into a situation that may not be in her best interest. In these situations does a father really know best?
What are your thoughts? Is the father wrong for wanting to hand his daughter off to someone who manages his finances responsibly? Is there another method for achieving what the father truly desires in the above story? What if the young man wasn’t able to provide the support that met the expectation of the father, should the daughter have stopped dating him?
No matter your opinion on this particular story, you have to appreciate the active role the father is playing in his daughter’s life. We also desperately need more fathers to do the same in the lives of both their sons and daughters in order to prepare them for success in life.
Kenny Pugh is a Life & Relationship Strategist, Author of ‘Can You Do It Standing Up?’, Speaker, HLN Contributor, Host of the Chat Kafe Radio Show (http://www.chatkafeonline.com), singles leader and sought-after speaker on singleness, relationships, finances and life. You can find more information about Kenny at http://www.kennypugh.com. You can follow him on Facebook at Kenny Pugh or on Twitter @mrkennypugh.