Some of us walk through life constantly needing the OK from this peanut gallery, whether it’s family members, friends or spouses.

Take these hypothetical instances:

SCENARIO ONE:

Friend 1: I don’t think a natural would be a good look for you. Just isn’t professional.

Friend 2: You don’t think so? I love natural hair, and I’m sick of all the relaxers and chemicals… Okay, well … I think I’ll keep my hair straight.

SCENARIO TWO:

Family Member 1: I’ve always wanted to move to Europe and volunteer with youth.

Family Member 2: What do you know about Europe? You need to focus on the job you have here in the States.

SCENARIO THREE:

Colleague 1: I’ve always dreamed of becoming a veterinarian. I’m sick of working on computers. It’s not my passion. I’m going to put in my two weeks, and go to school full time.

Colleague 2: In this economy? You should just stay where you are. Maybe volunteer at a pet shelter or something …

True, well-meaning peers can offer great advice on how to handle situations, how to resolve conflicts or simply be confidantes in times of need. People often volunteer advice or their two cents on the decisions people make out of love or concern.

Also true is the fact that a great mentor can help guide a professional on the best moves to make. An effective mentor would be credible enough to do so, having either been there and done that, or having the professional knowledge and experience to back up any advice given. They will also know how to give directives that are more about positive options or alternatives and less focused on discouragement.

Lately, I’ve been privy to people, who have no real experience or even basis of knowledge, speaking on what someone should or shouldn’t do, and seeing people who can’t seem to make one move without a co-sign. Just as a financial co-signer has to align with various financial and employment criteria for approval from a bank, the same should go for those “life” co-signers who speak on behalf of the decisions of others.

In a fast-paced business world where confidence is vital, I’ve found that building inner discernment is a better option than always needing someone to approve of what I’m doing in my life. How can one maneuver a vehicle forward if they’re constantly distracted by backseat drivers? How can one truly capture their destiny if they’re always unsure or even more confused because of constant consideration of multiple opinions and irrelevant scrutiny?

If one has strong discernment and confidence, they are able to know when to ask for help and when to just act. They know when to listen to that inner voice and take a chance, and when they should first get insight or expert advice before making a move. They know the foundation of who they are and what works for their unique needs and wants. They also know that those things may not always be traditional or on the beaten path, and that’s OK.

Sometimes, even choosing to do the total opposite of what someone advises— and falling down because of it—is even OK. Mistakes are part of life, and some of us wouldn’t learn or advance without making them.

From the few years (*wink) I’ve been on this Earth, I’ve learned that, it’s alright to admire someone, hold their opinions in high esteem, and even be inspired by their blueprint for success, but it’s important to make my own decisions, be accepting of the consequences and even create a new blueprint for the life that is MINE.

I would challenge anyone out there who is constantly looking for outside approval on everything they do to first look inward and be secure in the person you are, and to develop and exercise discernment. You don’t always need that cosigner, and when you do need one, know who to trust with the honor of giving you advice. Ultimately, trust yourself to act on what you believe is right.

Indecisiveness can be attributed to a host of limiting beliefs and circumstances, including: stress; lack of knowledge or professional guidance; not knowing where to turn for help; lack of support from family or friends; and lack of motivation. “There are a lot of people who certainly would do better if they knew better,” says Pamela Everett Thompson, a clinical psychologist, professional life coach, and owner of Building Bridges to Better Lives P.C. in Atlanta. “But quite often my clients’ indecisiveness is caused by fear—fear of going against the grain and being rejected by loved ones; of making a mistake; of being less than perfect; even fear of success.” Thompson has a mantra for those paralyzed by fear: “Completion is better than perfection; and most mistakes are correctable.”

LaVonne Dorsey, a career and life coach, and founder of Welcome to Living in Seattle, notes that conflicting messages are a common cause of indecisiveness. “We’re moving so fast and we’re driven so much by others’ expectations that we’re often not even aware of what we actually want. Most of my clients’ indecisiveness stems from a conflict between what they want to do in their heart, what they think they should do in their head, and what others want from them.” She advises those grappling with conflicting messages to ask themselves what they really want. “Then bring your entire being into the decision-making process—head, heart, and intuition.”

These resources can help you start the process:

No Matter What! 9 Steps to Living the Life You Love (Wellness Central; $24.99) by Lisa Nichols

First Things First (Free Press; $16) by Stephen R. Covey

Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity (Penguin; $16) by David Allen

Coaching and therapy can help you along the path of self discovery if you’re committed to making a change. Ask a trusted co-worker, friend, or family member for a referral. Or locate a personal or professional coach at www.coachfederation.org.

This article originally appeared in the October 2009 issue of Black Enterprise magazine.