Are You Stuck in Behavior that Could Guarantee Failure in Your Business?

Do you have trouble telling your friends that you don’t feel like going out? Or telling the nail technician that the edge of your polish is chipped and needs to be fixed?  Or telling your roommate that you’re not okay with his messy girlfriend staying over for a week?

If so, pay attention because you are displaying traits of a behavior pattern that could cause you to fail in business.  Sure, these scenarios are small instances of avoiding the truth and they seem to be no big deal.  Perhaps, they are in fact not a big deal.  Maybe you were just avoiding drama or trying to be nice.  But if you find yourself in these avoidance patterns frequently, it’s indicative of a deeper issue.  You may be living as a Denier.

I learned that habitual denial was bad for business and I saw how it hurt revenues at a company I co-owned and was running with a Denier; but at the time I couldn’t quite put my finger on the problem.  Since I could not name, define and articulate the root problem, the pattern of behavior continued and our hard work and revenues went down the drain. I get it now.  And I’m hoping I can save you some trouble.

After mentally reviewing that entire business experience for the treasures (lessons) I could take with me in life and into my next business venture I came to recognize and understand the Denier’s pattern.  For a person operating in this way it is most likely affecting every area of your life but here are a three ways it may be manifesting itself in business, and a few thoughts on how to address it:

You’ve started a business in the same industry more than one time and you have failed at the past ones and are failing now. Failure in itself often simply means that a person is trying new things, growing and will eventually be better because they have. However, a Denier is failing because they refuse to acknowledge that something they are doing needs to change.  If you suspect for even a moment that this is a culprit in your life, stop right now and decide to change. It may be too difficult or overwhelming to figure out in your own head what you’re doing wrong so ask some people around you. Trust me, somebody knows and they’ve been wanting to tell you.  If you make it emotionally safe for them to give you honest feedback they will.

Do that by starting with something like, “I know it may feel odd to be blunt and honest with someone because it feels like you’re being rude.  But I need to ask you something and I need you to be totally honest with me, even if you feel like it’s going to hurt my feelings.  I promise I am not going to hold anything against you. I just really want to change for the better.”  Warning: Prepare yourself in advance. They are probably going to share some things that will tick you off.  Some of it may not be true, much of it will be. Be patient with yourself as you come to a place of acceptance.  Take all of it in and pray and meditate on what they share so that you can glean what is true and find a way to change.

You’re always borrowing to pay your personal bills and keep your business afloat because your business is not profitable. If you have

been in business for two years or less and you’re not profitable then maybe you’re just still in a learning curve.  However, if you’re unprofitable and you’ve been in business for five or more years—unless you are in a capital-intense cyclical business like mining or oil drilling—then you’re operating as a Denier.

This is a fact: A business is made to be profitable. Even non-profit organizations are need to make profits; they just reinvest all the profits in support of the cause. So if your “business” is consistently unprofitable and you’re struggling financially as a result, then you don’t a have business. You have an expensive hobby and you need to make a change immediately. Maybe your prices are too low. Maybe your prices are too high.  Maybe you give hook-ups. Maybe not enough people want to buy what you sell. Or maybe plenty of people want to buy what you sell but your sales, marketing, service and systems aren’t in place to deliver the goods and collect the money. Or maybe you’re a poor money manager and spend too much on overhead.  If you stop, assess your business, look at yourself and give honest answers you’ll figure it out.  A Denier will blame everyone and everything else: “My customers are cheap, I need an investor, the economy is down.”  All may be true, but what are you going to do about it?

You avoid conversations that may include discussing uncomfortable topics or you avoid sharing your true thoughts because you have a fear (often an unfounded one) that people will think you are mean. Of course none of us wants to be rude or to be thought of as a jerk, but a lot of times we blow out of proportion the things we

think will cause us to be labeled in this way. Sometimes we fake our way through situations and conversations only to later reach a boiling point, which causes us to express what we wanted to in the first place only with anger and irritation. Waiting until you can’t take it anymore may earn you the label you were trying to avoid all along—plus “crazy” on top of it. It’s better to just learn how to have conversations with people and ask questions or make requests. Sure there is a way to have these kinds of conversations if they’re on touchy topics so if you’re uncomfortable with that then get some help, take a training course on communication, or practice in the mirror but don’t sidestep what needs to be said.

A Denier will avoid these kinds of conversations even if asked directly for their feelings on something.  Often a Denier will come back later and claim to have been wronged or disrespected because their feelings weren’t considered, but the Denier won’t share their true feelings, even when specifically asked. In business, you will make tough decisions from time to time and you’ll have to communicate about prickly topics. Don’t make a big deal of it and it won’t turn out to be such a big deal.  If you’re asked about something give your honest thoughts and you can do that diplomatically – and if you change your mind about something later take it upon yourself to communicate that if it matters.

If you think you’ve been living as a Denier, it’s not the end of the world.  Chapter 15 in the book What’s Really Holding You Back — Closing the Gap Between Where You Are and Where You Want to Be by Valorie Burton will

help you a lot.  Just thinking about your answer to the chapter title alone—Are You Working Around Problems or Working Through Them? Break the Cycle of Unhealthy Behavior—is enough to get
you headed in the right direction. Reading the book is sure to provide an epiphany.  Ultimately, make a commitment to yourself to stop denying the problems you face and start solving them. Your business, and life, will be much better.

Felicia Joy is a nationally recognized entrepreneur who created $50 million in value for the various organizations and companies she served in corporate America before launching her business enterprise. She is the author of Hybrid Entrepreneurship: How the Middle Class Can Beat the Slow Economy, Earn Extra Income and Reclaim the American Dream and a regular contributor on CNN. Follow her @feliciajoy.

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