Dear Fairygodmentor®,
I just started my internship at this very prestigious company. I’m trying to learn to adult and be a great team member. I’m exhausted from code-switching. What happens if I just… stop?
-Simply Exhausted
Dear Simply Exhausted,
First off, let me say this: if you’re exhausted, it’s because you’re doing two jobs at the same time!
The first is the internship that you were hired to do. The second is managing everyone else’s comfort with who you are.
It’s hard enough to be an intern and then add the pressure of code-switching to the mix?! Can a brotha or sista catch a break?!
Many early-career professionals, especially those from underrepresented backgrounds, learn quickly that success often feels tied to code-switching: adjusting how you speak, dress, express yourself, or even react to fit into workplace expectations. It can often feel like you’re carrying an invisible backpack full of self-edits and self-corrections all day long. And the backpack only gets heavier with time.
So what happens if you stop? Probably not what you think.
The goal isn’t to swing from complete adaptation to complete rebellion.
The goal is learning the difference between professionalism
and performing a version of you that leaves you exhausted.How do you find the balance? Read on a little more so I can share the how.
1) Conduct an Authenticity Audit
Before you throw the entire script away, figure out which parts are helping you grow and which parts are sucking the life out of your soul.
Ask yourself:
- Am I changing my behavior because it’s professionally appropriate?
- Or am I changing it because I’m afraid people won’t accept the real me?
- Which parts of my personality completely disappear when I walk into work?
Not every adjustment is code-switching. Learning workplace norms is part of professional development. But constantly filtering your flavor (personality, culture, humor, or communication style) can become emotionally expensive.
If maintaining a behavior leaves you feeling exhausted rather than empowered, it’s worth taking some time to marinate on whether it’s serving your career, or simply helping others feel comfortable.
2) Experiment With “One Degree More You”
You don’t have to wake up tomorrow and become a completely different person.
Try showing up as just a little more of yourself.
This could look like:
- Speaking naturally instead of over-editing every sentence.
- Sharing your perspective in meetings.
- Wearing your hair or style it in ways that feel more authentic.
- Talking about your interests without filtering them for approval.
Authenticity isn’t an on/off switch. It’s a dimmer.
I’m giving new meaning to the phrase “Turn up.”
Turn it up gradually and observe what happens.
You’ll most likely find that the people who value your contributions care far less about your performance of “professionalism” than you thought.
3) Build a Personal Board of Directors
No one, especially as an intern, should navigate workplace identity challenges alone.
Find your people who can help you separate real feedback from perceived pressure:
This could be:
- A trusted manager
- A mentor (who may also be that trusted manager)
- A former intern
- An employee resource group leader
- Someone who has successfully navigated the culture before you
When you’re constantly questioning whether you’re “too much” or “not enough,” this outside perspective becomes invaluable as you continue to “adult” in the “real world”.
Your board can remind you that belonging shouldn’t require becoming unrecognizable to yourself.
Pro Tip: Seek mentors who appreciate your authenticity, not just your adaptability.
Simply Exhausted, the question that you should be asking yourself is whether you’re building a career that requires you to leave parts of yourself at the door every day.
A good internship teaches you new skills. A great workplace makes room for who you really are.
This experience will give you data on what you’ll want to look for in the future when the full time job opportunity presents itself.
Because the best version of your professional self isn’t a carefully edited copy. It’s the version that can succeed without disappearing.
You got this!
Yours truly,
Your Fairygodmentor®
About Joyel Crawford:
Joyel Crawford is an award-winning career and leadership development professional and founder of Crawford Leadership Strategies, a consultancy that empowers results-driven leaders through coaching, training, and facilitation. She’s the best-selling author of Show Your Ask: Using Your Voice to Advocate for Yourself and Your Career.
Have a question for Your Fairygodmentor®?
Submit your career and leadership questions, whether it’s about navigating a micromanager, setting boundaries, negotiating for a raise, or handling burnout. Ask Your Fairygodmentor® today!