As an award-winning author, journalist and successful entrepreneur with over 20 years of professional experience, Sophia Nelson knows more than a thing or two about overcoming trials and finding success in her personal and professional life.
Her highly acclaimed 2011 book, Black Women Redefined: Dispelling Myths and Discovering Fulfillment in the Age of Michelle Obama, took readers inside the lives and careers of accomplished black women in order to defy the negative stereotypes and perceptions that were placed on them, all while using extensive research to show and prove that black women can not be placed in a box.
With an overwhelming response from not only black women, but women all across the nation, Nelson made it her duty to write a new book that connected women of all races and ages together. Realizing that there are a certain set of codes that unite us, and at times divide us, Nelson sat down and wrote out the lessons and key tips that have helped her overcome her own hardships. Referring to these principles as “the code,” Nelson narrowed down her list of 100 codes to a list of the top 20 that she found to be most important. In her latest book, The Woman Code: 20 Powerful Keys to Unlock Your Life, she shares these tips with readers in an effort to encourage all women to live out their best life.
Black Enterprise: What inspired you to write The Woman Code?
Sophia Nelson: As you know my first book, Black Women Redefined, came out in 2011 and with that book I focused on black women. And as I traveled the country, something interesting happened. Not only did I attract a large number of black women that were interested in the message, but interestingly I attracted white women and other women who were drawn to it because of the focus on stereotypes. They opened up and shared their story with me, and whether they were Latina, Asian, or Caucasian, they wanted to redefine themselves beyond stereotypes and notions as well. So it fascinated me, and what I thought was interesting is that I would get grandmothers to come out, women that were like my mother’s age and baby boomers in their 60s. They had daughters or sons, predominantly white women, who had married someone interracially and they were like “Ok, what do I do? How do I navigate this new world?†Then it became a very popular book in corporate America with corporate diversity, so what I started to see was that I needed to write something that connected us all as women because there is something unique about us women. We can walk into a restaurant anywhere around the world, see another woman and not speak to her but have a whole conversation just through our smile and the way we communicate through our eyes and body language. I wanted to really speak to what was inside of us as women and focus on those things internal. Those things that really make us powerful, peaceful, purposeful, passionate and yet there is this amazing sisterhood that we have. It’s unspoken, but it really does exist. So this book is a departure from my first book in the sense that that was non-fiction with research. This is more me writing in my sweet spot of inspiration and guidance and really coming from a place of having really been through some things at my age. I’m in my mid-late 40s and going into
your late 40s you know some things by this point in your life, particularly if you’ve been a professional woman for more than 20 years as I have and going through that balance, especially as a woman of color, where you ask well is it my race first or my gender first that I have to be concerned about.Read more about Sophia Nelson and The Woman Code on the next page…
You talked about how after your first book, women of all races and ages came up to you. With this new book The Woman Code, what do you think millennial women can get out of the book? Is it appropriate for them as well?
Absolutely! If you look at the Publisher’s Weekly endorsement that we got they talked about how they never really seen a book where it really is for women of all ages. So it’s age appropriate if you’re a millennial, but it’s also age appropriate if you’re a baby boomer. Starting with code number one, which is know your value, no generation needs that more than millennials because I don’t think they do in the same way that me as a Gen X’er, or my mom as a baby boomer does. What I’m saying is when I was coming up in my 20s there was no internet or cell phones. We were engaged with people in a different way where we had to have conversations and talk. If your boyfriend broke up with you, even if he passed you a note on paper, he still had to hand it to you. Now what do these young women do? They get broken up by text, they get men asking them out by text, there is no courting anymore and so what happens is that your value becomes cheapened or lessened because it’s not a commodity anymore.
Everything is shifting in the sense that young women are very empowered in their finances and careers, but they’re disempowered greatly in their personal lives with their value and worth in relationships. I don’t want us to lose ground professionally and in our careers, but I want us to pick up ground and regain value in being able to say to a man “If you can’t court me, or treat me well or honor and respect me, I am out of here because I do know my worth.â€
So to your question about is it age appropriate, absolutely, and millennial women need this more than anybody because they’re not being mentored and sponsored in ways that I was as a young woman.
After reading The Woman Code, what is one key lesson that you want women to take away from the book?
That everything they need in this life to succeed, to love, to live and to thrive is inside of them. They don’t have to look any further to unlock, unleash or unloose. That’s the lesson that it’s all inside of you. Everything that you need you’re already equipped with it. What happens is, and I talk about this particularly in code number two, which is make peace with your past, before you can know your value and know your worth you’ve got to understand where you come from. From the time we are little kids, our parents are the first ones to define us. Our families define us. Our communities define us. And then we go to school and our teachers define us. When I was a kid it was
always she’s the cute one, she’s the smart one, that’s my lawyer. So whatever you were told as a child plays a critical role in your life, particularly girls. Whatever it is, we tend to live up to that. It’s like a computer. If the code is messed up you have to get a whole new drive and that’s the same thing with us. If your code gets damaged, there is something about you that doesn’t feel valued. These codes are all about how to deal with the baggage that we all have. The things that we’ve been told about ourselves that aren’t positive. The things that we allow people to do to us that we know aren’t right, but we don’t have the courage or the bravery to say “Hey, I deserve better than that.†So my hope is that when women read these codes, some are going to go “Oh yes, I knew that†and others are going to say “Oh no, I never knew that.â€
Join Sophia Nelson (@IAmSophiaNelson) and Black Enterprise (@BlackEnterprise) for a Twitter chat about female empowerment, careers, and Black Enterprise’s Women of Power Summit on Wednesday, Nov. 12th from 1-2pm EST.
Celebrating 10 Years of POWER! Join Black Enterprise at the Women of Power Summit hosted by State Farm, March 2 – March 5, 2015, at Fort Lauderdale Harbor Beach Marriott, Fort Lauderdale, FL. This exciting, executive leadership summit is designed to train, equip and encourage women to become industry leaders, learn career strategies, and discover proven work-life balance techniques. Register Now at https://blackenterprise.com/wps. It’s time to Embrace your POWER. The Moment is Now!