Originally published Feb. 1, 2003
Lifestyle coach Cheryl Richardson has noticed a recent phenomenon. Whenever she leads her Life Makeover seminars and lists the classic signs of burnout, the audience lets out an audible gasp. Some people raise their hands, while others actually rise to their feet to say, “Oh my God, I have all of those!”
Other symptoms include poor concentration, general irritability, unprovoked anger, resentment toward others, prolonged bouts of insomnia, and a lack of, or marked increase in, appetite. If not addressed, these warning signals can hasten the deterioration of your emotional and physical health.
“A lot of us are sleepwalking through life, feeling poorly [and] sleep deprived. [We’re] exhibiting all the signs of classic adrenal burnout and believing this is just the way life is,” says Richardson.
“Most of us are trying to balance work, home, and family life. We tend to accept these symptoms as just part of the package. But we’re wrong. It’s not the way life is supposed to be. If you ignore the signs, you’ll become seriously ill and your life could be at stake. It really is that dramatic.”
So are the modern day forces shaping our lives and psyches. Technology, which was supposed to increase our efficiency and shorten our workweek, has, in many cases, increased our workloads and shortened our tempers. Add to that the traditional stresses of work, home, and family — not to mention a poor economy, a tight job market, the war on terrorism, and the threat of war in Iraq — and, well, who wouldn’t be overwhelmed?
“So many of us are living in a constant state of adrenal overload. We don’t realize how damaging that is over time,” says Richardson, author of Take Time for Your Life (Bantam Books, $13.95).
“Think about it: Every time the phone rings, it activates the body’s fight-or-flight system. ‘Do I answer it and deal with whatever’s attached to it, or do I finish what I’m doing?’ It’s a constant push and pull. If you focus, you can physically feel it.
“When you check your voice mail and it says you have 20 messages, you’ll feel a tweak in your body. We have to do what we can to guard against that. We have to remember who’s in charge of our lives. Nobody else can protect your sanity but you.”
Allyson Moore, who weathered more than a year of unthinkable stress, learned this the hard way. Married, with two young sons, Moore, 39, is a classic overachiever. In April 2001, the former executive vice president of the nonprofit LEAD Program in Business was tapped to become university relations manager for Unilever United States Inc., one of the nation’s top 50 corporations. Taking the plum spot would have eliminated her long commute from West Orange, New Jersey, to New York City, allowing her to spend more time with her family, including a grandmother suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.
One week after starting the job, she learned that her mother was terminally ill with cancer. Unilever told her to take all the time she needed.
“But me being me, I just couldn’t,” says Moore.
Instead, she spent three months running between her job in Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey, and her mother’s bedside in New York City. Her mother’s illness was even more aggressive than expected, and in late June, she died. Moore returned to work soon after. Two months later, on the day before her birthday, the World Trade Center Towers were attacked.
“Work was actually helpful,” she recalls. “It was distracting.” But within a few months, she realized she couldn’t keep it up.
“I was doing well at the company. I liked the work, but I was always stressed and unhappy. It was like having a monkey on your back that you just can’t get rid of.”
Seeking relief, Moore reluctantly allowed her grandmother to
go live with her sister in Atlanta. Then she decided to leave her job. She gave plenty of notice and aided in the transition process. When she sat down to lunch with her former boss and staff three months later, she realized how happy she had become.“It’s hard to admit you can’t do everything,” she says. “It’s hard to leave a place where you’re valued and doing well. But it’s the best thing I ever did.
“We pay a lot of attention to setting priorities at work, but we don’t really set and respect our own priorities. You have to decide what’s most important in your life and commit to it. Once you do that, everything else gets easier,” Moore says.
Richardson couldn’t agree more. “Everybody wants to be in control,” she says.
“Why? Because we all feel so out of control in our lives. How do we get control? We have to be vigilant and ruthless about how we manage our time and energy.”
That doesn’t mean you have to make changes as radical as leaving your job, but it does mean taking an honest look at your life and your priorities. How dependent are you on your computer, cell phone, electronic pager, planner, or messaging device? When you are driving, are you using that time to relax and restore sapped energy or are you on your mobile phone? When is the last time you ate a meal, uninterrupted, at work or at home?
Even activities designed for our entertainment and relaxation, such as TV, can be overwhelming — especially when there are 900 channels at our fingertips. We can now watch multiple shows at the same time, while taping others for later. Problem is, “later” never comes; there just aren’t enough hours in the day.
Richardson offers the following strategies:
- Eat well and exercise. Take vitamins and seek help for any chronic physical or emotional discomfort. There’s just no substitute for basic healthy living.
- Use technology to your advantage. Don’t let it take advantage of you. Turn your phone ringer off at home. Can that be an inconvenience for someone trying to reach you? Yes, but are you really willing to give up your peace to suit their schedule? Call back when it suits yours.
- When in doubt, throw it out. E-mail files, paper files, clippings, magazines, and catalogs — they pile up and we panic, thinking, “What if I trash something important?” Just do it. You’ll live to tell.
- Reach out. There are support groups for every issue. You don’t ever have to be alone. For groups in your area, check with local churches, schools, and town halls or go to www.cherylrichardson.com.
- Other ways to avoid burn-out and deal with stress:
- Don’t skip your breaks and vacation days. Use this time to get away from work, whether for a few minutes or a couple of weeks. Spend your work breaks relaxing, meditating, praying, or just laughing with co-workers. And don’t bring work with you on your vacations.
- Get your rest. Do your best to get a good night’s sleep. Go to bed and get up at the same time every day.
- Breathe again. Slow, rhythmic deep breathing — taking air into your belly (diaphragm), not just your chest — is a great way to de-stress. Make a habit of breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth.
- Before you overcommit to others, take care of yourself. On airplanes, we are taught to put on our own oxygen masks before assisting others with theirs. If you are exhausted, sick, and stressed, you can’t really be at your best for your family or your job.
- Take it easy. Make excellence, not perfection, your goal. Redefine success in terms of cooperative effort, not just individual competition. Strive to be effective and productive, but recognize that you cannot control other people and every circumstance.
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