Business isn’t just business. It’s a self-improvement obstacle course. Friends and family don’t empathize with how tired, hungry or overwhelmed you may feel on some days after you’ve spent all day selling to and serving customers. All they know is they want their wife or husband, boyfriend or girlfriend, mother or father, sister or brother, BFF or football buddy to be fired up and ready for quality time.
Sometimes it’s enough to make you want to scream into a pillow. The irony of being a successful entrepreneur is you’ll have to put as much work into your relationships as you put into your business. You will have to improve your patience, leadership and communications skills to manage these situations with loved ones or risk alienating those you care for the most. It seems like too much for one person to handle but if you are committed to personal and professional success, you will learn to expand your emotional capacity to deal with drama. Business has a way of preparing you for that.
In my experience, if business is going well but you’re working such long hours that you never spend time with loved ones, or simply can’t muster the emotional connection they are seeking from you, then the guilt trip they put on you is quite draining and
uncomfortable and makes you want to spend even less time with them or makes you want to avoid them all together. It’s a vicious cycle. Ideally, they would be understanding, self-aware and try to see things from your perspective as a determined and hard working entrepreneur but for the most part they will not come to these conclusions on their own.
You have to talk through every problem as it arises. I know that makes you want to roll your eyes but if you don’t address these issues head on they do not go away. Relationships can end badly if you don’t make them as much of a priority as your company. You also must have a heightened sense of awareness because some of the people around you won’t say anything. Seemingly out of nowhere one day they’ll hit you with a load of bricks by saying something like, “All you care about is money. You’re obsessed with your business.â€Â It will take the patience of Job to not verbally retaliate in that instant. I hope you never face these issues but chances are you will. Try to head them off by creating understanding in advance.
1. Manage expectations: Unmet expectations are the root of all disappointment, irritation, frustration, anger, and dissension in relationships. So when someone you care about is saying they do not believe you care about them and that you only care about business
or money; or if they’re berating you for always checking your phone or never getting anywhere on time, what they are really saying is: “I had an expectation that you would work on this business for a certain number of hours in a day but not all day and night every week.” Or, “I had an expectation that after you reached a certain amount of revenue you would be financially comfortable and would slow down. I had an expectation that you would show me the respect of being on time and giving me your full attention when you got here.”To have healthy and happy relationships you need to ask questions to understand the expectations of your loved ones. If your expectations are the same as theirs—and if each of you meets those expectations—then you will be fine. If expectations are not aligned then you have to re-set them by clearly explaining what is going to happen, why it has to be that way and for how long. Even when people don’t like something, knowing the truth about it makes it more tolerable.Continue reading more on the next page
2. Make sure you and your business are taken seriously by loved ones: You have to be sure you and your business are being taken seriously – even if you’re not making loads of money yet. In the early days of business, when your emerging success is not apparent because you may be struggling to build your revenue some people who are close to you
may not believe you’re really serious; and they may not feel that your business will be a big money maker. As a result they will do things like call you in the middle of the day and want to talk or ask you to run an errand for them.Back in 2008 and 2009 when that was happening to me I had to explain, “I am self-employed; not unemployed. I am at home, but I am in my home office. I won’t be able to answer your calls until after 6:30pm, and I won’t be able to run that errand for you. I am working.â€Â In the same way that your loved ones and friends expect to have dedicated time when business is done for the day or on the weekends, they have to understand that your business needs dedicated time, too.
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3. Decide what kind of lifestyle you want: The point of business success is to live life on your own terms. So decide up front what those terms are for you. I co-own a restaurant, and although I’m there almost every day and then spend afternoons and evenings writing and working on other business projects, I am very clear about the fact that I am willing to work this way for a defined period of time. So, I know my businesses have to run on systems and produce a certain amount of profits so that
within my prescribed time frame I can transition into other opportunities or work fewer hours and focus more on family. I am building my businesses around my life, by design. You must do the same. I have a friend who is an international tax attorney and she enjoys working so much that besides exercising she spends most of her time working. We have different visions for what our lives should look like in the next two years.Whether single, in a relationship or part of a family unit, you should talk through, visualize and write down the lifestyle you want to create and build your business to facilitate that.
Felicia Joy is a nationally recognized entrepreneur who created $50 million in value for the various organizations and companies she served in corporate America before launching her business enterprise. She is the author of Hybrid Entrepreneurship:
How the Middle Class Can Beat the Slow Economy, Earn Extra Income and Reclaim
the American Dream and is often called on to discuss the ins and outs of entrepreneurial success. She is a regular contributor on CNN and has also appeared on FOX, CBS, ABC and NBC affiliates and in other national press. Felicia operates Ms. CEO Inc., creator of the popular Ms. CEO t-shirt–her company inspires women entrepreneurs to be savvy,
profitable and bold. She also operates Joy Group International, a publishing, consulting and business development firm. Follow her at www.twitter.com/feliciajoy.