Conflict Free: How to Become Emotionally Intelligent in the Workplace

It sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? I mean, “emotional intelligence”?  Aren’t emotion and intellect two very different things? Not anymore. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is essentially the ability to perceive, assess, manage and positively influence your own and other people’s emotions in a productive manner.  By productive, I mean you ability to get results from yourself and those around you. That’s what true leadership requires. Unlike traditional measures of intelligence (or IQ), EQ means being able to separate the message from the messenger, and understanding your personal triggering mechanisms (i.e., your hot buttons) to avoid reacting emotionally to a logical comment, statement or decision.

You see most people cannot manage themselves, let alone others. One could write a whole book on EQ alone, and many already have. For our purposes, however, the keywords in the above definition all come down to learning how to “manage yourself and your emotions.” This is no easy feat, particularly in the high-paced, highly-competitive, highly-charged world of the modern corporate battlefield.

Yet “emotional management” is a skill you must learn to truly grasp the art of command. Not to become a rigid automaton for the sake of the company or your career, but to realize that as healthy as emotions can be, when not under control they can also sabotage you when you least expect it.

Consider the following very common scenario: You are faced with an unreasonable deadline to complete an already-challenging project when word comes down from high that the deadline has become doubly more unreasonable by upping the delivery date from next Monday to this Friday. Most people would become upset at this news, particularly since the reasons — as conveyed by the underling messenger — seem so arbitrary. Just as many people would “shoot the messenger,” lashing out simply to give a release to their emotions and establish they’re no pushover.

A true commander would assess the

situation, realize quickly that no amount of shooting the messenger is going to change the actual message, take the message for what it is, assess it internally, sit down with a trusted team and deal with it. For professionals, the difference between IQ and EQ is recognizing your emotions but controlling them as well.

Continue reading on the next page to see two critical mind-shifts that will help increase your EQ.

Here are two critical mind-shifts that will help increase your EQ.

1) Accept that You Cannot Control What You Cannot Control. Much frustration and anxiety in the marketplace comes from becoming disappointed with the actions of others.  Accept that people are indeed imperfect.  Accept that they will act imperfectly.  And, accept that no one is perfectly capable of doing every single thing exactly the way you want it…or when you want it!  I’m not encouraging you to lower your standards if you are in management or a business owner.  Nor am I saying that you should expect mediocrity. However, we tend to respond better to challenges when we prepare for them as opposed to being blindsided. Accept that “perfect” is an anomaly. In the marketplace people will make mistakes, miss deadlines, change their mind, forget, and so on. Be prepared so that you can be poised.

2) Separate the Message from the Messenger. Usually when someone does something that frustrates us in the marketplace, we end up taking it personally. If a colleague forgot to give you a phone message or a memo, you are more likely to internalize that mistake as a personal and intentional attack. When you personalize and internalize things that happen in the marketplace, you usually end up reacting from an emotional place.  Emotional responses tend to be impulsive and shortsighted with long-term implications and consequences. Contrary to popular belief, talk is NOT cheap. What you say and how you say it matters.  Your ability to listen objectively will ultimately influence your ability to respond logically. Take time to think about your response, assess whether you are making a situation more personal than necessary, practice your reply, and evaluate whether anything truly needs to be said at all.

It takes effort and maturity to place yourself in

someone else’s shoes. However, doing so will enhance your reputation and increase trustworthiness. Credibility in the marketplace is ultimately about whether or not people have confidence in your competence. Today’s professional must garner respect by first learning how to extend it.

What frustrates you most about the behavior of others in the marketplace?  How have you chosen to respond in the past?  I invite you to share your best practices for handling conflict in the workplace with emotional intelligence.  I look forward to hearing from you!

Marshawn Evans is president of ME Unlimited L.L.C. and a weekly career advice columnist for BlackEnteprise.com.

Ready to Monetize Brand YOU?  Black Enterprise is giving you the opportunity to receive a scholarship to attend ME University: The Ultimate Business & Branding Bootcamp in Atlanta, GA on October 1-2, 2011.  Hosted by Reinvention Strategist Marshawn Evans, ME University is the premier resource for masterminding and teaching profitable brand strategies that fast-track your business and build your brand.  Visit www.meuniversitylive.com for more information.