Talking about money is never easy, but mixing romance and finance makes it that much harder. In her new book, The Big Payoff: 8 Steps Couples Can Take to Make the Most of Their Money–and Live Richly Ever After (Collins; $22.95), award-winning CNBC correspondent Sharon Epperson aims to help couples tackle some of the common financial problems that can poison a relationship. What’s “the big payoff?” Epperson says it’s the peace of mind that comes with financial strength, which allows couples to enjoy their marriage, their family, and their lives.
BUDGET COMMANDMENTS
You need to have a consistent method for keeping track of your spending and savings, so you won’t have to worry about one spouse imposing his or her financial decisions on the other. Lay down ground rules that you both will follow. Basic guidelines can help you come up with a detailed plan that is agreeable and attainable for both of you. These guidelines can also serve as points of reference to fall back on when you feel like you’re starting to falter. Following these three simple rules–“the Budget Commandments”–should go a long way toward helping you stretch your budget.
I: Thou Shalt Pay Thine Own Self First
II: Thou Shalt Stay Out of Debt
III: Thou Shalt Live on One Income, Not Two
BUDGET COMMANDMENT I:
THOU SHALT PAY THINE OWN SELF FIRST
The best way to start to save is to pay yourself first. You’ve undoubtedly heard this before, but do you and your spouse actually adhere to it? Do you have money automatically deducted from your paycheck each month for your 401(k) plan or other retirement savings programs? Are you contributing the maximum amount that your employer allows–or at least up to what the company matches if that is offered? Do you make monthly contributions to a traditional or Roth IRA? Do you have three to six months of living expenses socked away for emergencies?
Make sure your savings are diversified. Savings shouldn’t be limited to retirement planning. Many couples contribute to their retirement plans and then stop putting any money away. They think that fulfills their savings obligation for the month. It’s also important to save for a down payment on a home or a car or other items, like unforeseen medical expenses.
If you haven’t done so already, you need to open an interest-bearing savings or money market account and deposit a set amount into it each pay period. Also be sure to take advantage of other employer-sponsored benefit savings, such as flexible spending accounts, which help cover uninsured medical costs and also lower the taxes you’ll pay on payroll income.
BUDGET COMMANDMENT II:
THOU SHALT STAY OUT OF DEBT
Recognize your debt dilemma. The main reasons so few couples are able to save are simple: they overspend and they are in debt. It’s not rocket science. Many couples today are taking on far more debt than their parents did a generation ago to provide the same standard of living–and adding even more debt to buy a house in an expensive neighborhood and to send their kids to private school and college. For most couples, the only way to cover the mortgage, car loans, and other debt is for both spouses to work, and still they are stretched too thin. Recognizing some of these early warning signs of financial trouble identified by the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC) could prevent you from suffocating under mounting debt:
- You’re behind on the basics, like the mortgage or rent and utility bills.
- You’re using credit to buy items you should be able to buy with cash, like groceries.
- (You may say you’re using the plastic to get frequent-flier miles or rewards points that the card offers. But if you’re not paying that credit card bill in full each month, you’re paying way more than that airline ticket or stereo would be worth.)
- You’re skipping payments on one debt to make payments on another.
- You’re receiving overdue notices or telephone calls from bill collectors.
- More than 25% of your take-home pay is used to pay back credit card debt.
Don’t just suffer; take action and get help. Follow the NFCC’s advice: Call creditors and let them know that you’re having problems. Explain your situation and what you’re doing to pay off your debts. Depending on the creditors’ policies and on your credit and payment histories, you may be able to negotiate the terms of your next payment or a lower interest rate. Remember, your creditors would rather keep you as a customer than lose you to bankruptcy and foreclosure.
BUDGET COMMANDMENT III:
THOU SHALT LIVE ON ONE INCOME, NOT TWO
You can learn a lot from single mothers. Single mothers have to get by on one income. They have to take care of at least one, sometimes several, dependents. It can be tough living on one income in this economy. Yet more than one-quarter of the nation’s 73.5 million children live with one parent, and about 5.6 million moms stay at home, according to the 2005 Family and Living Arrangements from the U.S. Census Bureau. If you’re a two-income family and you can manage to live on one income, the path to your financial dreams will be that much easier.
Whether you’re newlyweds or have been married for years, the best way to budget is to plan to live on less than you both earn. If both of you are working, try to pocket one paycheck. Try using one income–probably the higher one–to pay the mortgage or rent and other household expenses, as well as car loans, childcare, food, and all other bills. Direct the
second income to savings. But don’t skip contributions to retirement plans. If it’s impossible to pay all of the bills and contribute to a retirement plan on one income, then dip into the second income, but make sure you are saving as much as possible of that money for retirement for both of you, as well as for emergencies (in case the sole breadwinner loses his or her job).The decision to quit a job and live off of one income shouldn’t be made without reflection, research, meditation, and possibly a short vacation. Women who are thinking about dropping out of the workforce should talk to others who’ve made that transition. Check out Mocha Moms and Mothers & More, two national networks of stay-at-home moms, before you resign from your position, just so you get an idea of what life holds in store for you if you choose that route. The workforce is like a plane at 20,000 feet–it’s easier to drop out than it is to drop back in. And the drop down can be exhilarating, but you better know where you are landing and you better have a parachute. (You can learn more about the groups at www.mochamoms.org and www.mothersandmore.org.)
Living off of one income may seem impossible if you’ve been counting on that second paycheck. Most couples decide they can only afford the house they want or pay tuition for their children to attend private school or take family vacations each summer if both spouses are working. But living and depending on two incomes for basic household expenses can be dangerous. Your budget is set, and often maxed out, on that combined income. What happens if one of you gets sick or loses his or her job? How long can you afford to pay your mortgage or rent and other bills on one income? What if you get pregnant? Even if your company offers some paid maternity leave, what if you decide you want to stay at home longer?
If you’ve based your budget for essential monthly expenses on one income–or even if you live off just one-and-a-half of your combined earnings–you’ll have enough money put away to cover those difficult periods. You may not be able to stash any cash in your savings account during those trying times, but you won’t have to worry about how you’ll pay your mortgage either.
By living on one income you can also use the other income to fulfill other dreams and goals: spending more time at home with your children, going back to school, or starting your own business. The best part is, if you never need to dip into the second inc
ome, you may have a sizable savings account that could help you whittle down your children’s college bills and build a large nest egg for your retirement. As financial adviser Mo Barakat says, “The couple that can manage to live off one income and save the second is the couple that is headed toward financial wealth. That’s the golden formula.”
Maybe you can’t make a dramatic change in your spending and savings habits immediately, so start gradually. Instead of spending two incomes (or one income, if there is a sole breadwinner) down to the last dime each month, stash away 5% of your pay, then 10%, and work your way up to 20% to 25% of your gross income.
You may still think that is impractical or impossible in your situation. It may seem that way at first, but keep reminding yourself of the financial rewards. Save a portion of your income (whether it’s 5%, 20%, or an entire salary) and invest it for the future. You’ll be that much closer to your financial goals.