success,” says Beazley, “is that it sets the person up to believe that they will get what they want with greater ease [in the future].” If you’ve had this mind-set, then the obstacles, challenges, and failures hold even more weight in your life. Therefore, you bury the disappointment. And as a result, you start to build up these thick walls that deaden you. It’s the same effect as alcohol. It numbs you to the future. “The problem is if you don’t deal with it, you become emotionally dead, resulting in burnout [or] mental breakdown,” says Kuypers. You grieve the loss by finding a quiet place to cry, a journal to write in, meditate, or pray. That way, when you feel the pain, you’ll be able to overcome your feelings and move on without regret.
Be grateful. Gratitude is a simple technique, though it requires humility. Most people spend a lot of time looking at the glass as half empty. “By looking at it half full, it means ‘I have food, I have people who love me,'” says Kuypers. “It also means that in the present moment, we are just fine 99.9% of the time. Dwelling on the past is our way of convincing ourselves that somehow we are missing out. [Instead,] we [should] start each day with a fresh slate, free from burdensome expectations, and ready to respond to life’s challenges deftly and confidently.”