Relationships are like business negotiations. Both parties are trying to figure out a happy medium where they can work together on a common goal for the foreseeable future. What that really boils down to is one side wanting something the other has and vice versa. But, at what cost? Wining and dining are par for the course when wooing a potential life partner, but when extravagance becomes the focal point, one has to question whether the relationship is based on genuine love or just money. In an effort to steer you (and your pockets) in the right direction, here are BlackEnterprise.com’s seven signs that you’re dating a gold digger.
The person you’re seeing always has their hand out: According to a poll done by Baje Fletcher, the author of A Gold Digger’s Guide, 40-50% of the women the average man dates will ask for money at some point. On the flip side, based off of past experiences of friends and family members, she states that only 2% of women will say the same of the men they date. Outside of basic courtship, if coming out of pocket becomes a regular routine take that as a sign that you’re on the path to creating a dependent relationship as opposed to a symbiotic one.
<strong>Your date seems more interested in your portfolio than your personality:</strong> While knowing what someone does for a living gives you a good sense of where they are in life, it shouldn’t be the focus of your conversations. If the person across from you is constantly inquiring about whether you made more than six figures while eying your car keys, it's time to say goodbye and ask for the check—just make sure to split the bill down the middle!
You’re spending too much too soon: Fletcher stresses the point that material items should never trump interpersonal interaction and emotions. While we all like to cater to the ones we love, spending money on lavish gifts/trips/etc. right out the gate leads to financial dependence and comes off like you’re buying affection. “Make sure he/she can stand on their own two feet before you start spending money on them,” says Fletcher. “If not, you’re only creating a recipe for disaster.”
You’re partner’s always trying to keep up with The Joneses: Divorce attorney Palanda Brownlow says that a 2009 report by the University of Virginia showed that couples who argue about what they don’t have and covet what their neighbors do have are over 30% more likely to split than those who only disagree about money a few times a month. Clearly there’s a conflicting financial priority when you’re focused on saving money and your partner’s focused on spending your money.
You only get calls on payday: Friday night makes for a great date night, but if your supposed suitor only pops up every other week that should be your first red flag. The second comes when you realize that he or she always has some extravagant plans that end with you footing the bill. Voicemail was created for moments of clarity like this.
There’s more attitude than gratitude: Chivalry is a slippery slope. While it’s generally expected for men to pay most of the times, the dating arena has leveled out where footing the bill can go either way. But if after several dates you find yourself always shelling out cash and there not even being an offer to contribute to the bill or only the occasional “thank you” in response, you could be dealing with someone who feels entitled to your spending.