December 5, 2025
Ask Your Fairygodmentor: Feedback That Stings Can Also Save You
Feedback is data.
Dear Fairygodmentor,
I’ve received tough feedback at work and am unsure how to use it to grow. What’s the best way to approach this?
– Ready to Improve
Dear Ready to Improve,
It’s extremely rough to receive feedback that hits like the plot twist you didn’t ask for.
I want you to understand something very important, you’re not wrong for feeling some kind of way about this feedback. Feedback has a way of bruising the ego before it builds the muscle. You’re not alone in these feelings, and the confusion on how to turn this into a growth moment is real.
I’m going to share some advice that will have you growing and glowing up when receiving feedback
Feel First, Fix Later
I want you to push back against the myth that you need to be over the top grateful for feedback you receive. Yes, feedback is a gift, but a Fairygodmentor® told me years ago, “You can take it, leave it, or regift it.”
Feedback is data. It’s information. As you know, you can do a lot with data. Sometimes it’s useful and sometimes it’s useless. Taking a break to gain some perspective will help you immensely in figuring how this will help you grow.
Remember to take a pause for the cause and breathe. Take a break from this data and take a moment to reset.
Let the initial emotions settle down before you jump into doing anything productive.
Separate the Message From the Delivery
Like a gift, not all feedback is delivered/wrapped in the shiny wrapping paper of kindness. But there could be some useful stuff inside that hot mess of a package.
Put your Feedback Receiving Glasses (FRG) on to filter the message in the mess. Ask yourself:
• Is it true?
• Is it helpful?
• Is it aligned with who I want to become as a professional?
Having your FRGs on will help you filter out the noise of your own self-doubt and subjective data that will otherwise drag you down instead of lift you up.
Get Curious, Not Defensive
As I mentioned before, feedback is data, not a diagnosis.
Some questions that you may ask to gain clarity on the data dump of feedback you received could sound like:
“Can you share a specific example so I can better understand and improve?”
“What would ‘successful’ look like in this particular situation?”
“If you were me, what would you prioritize first?”
I’ve said this a million times, but it never gets old: whenever you’re working with another human in any situation, “set the intention of collaboration and support.” By asking questions rooted in curiosity, you’ll lower the tension and increase clarity.
Make a Mini Action Plan That You Can Actually Follow
Taking action can be very daunting and feel impossible. So, let’s break it down into manageable human-sized steps.
• Reflect: What part of this data hits home?
• Identify: What’s one skill or behavior that I’ll work on first?
• Strategize: What support, resources, or boundaries do I need?
• Execute: What’s one thing I’ll try (for real) this week?
Close the Loop – This Is How You Show Growth
If you’ve been reading my articles, Ready To Improve, you’ll know that I stress the importance of having regular one-on-one meetings with your manager to develop a solid business relationship (and to help minimize confusion and increase communication).
Share your updates with your manager to demonstrate accountability for the things you committed to improving. It could sound like this:
“You shared X with me a few weeks ago. Here’s what I’ve practiced, here’s what’s improving, and here’s where I’m still building.”
Here’s why this is gold: Circling back with your manager after receiving feedback will not only build trust, but it also shows courage, character, and credibility.
Remember, feedback isn’t a verdict — it’s an invitation. It helps to reframe the situation at hand and know that it’s data. How you choose to interpret and put that data to good use is up to you. Honor your growth season for what it is at the moment — even when it’s uncomfortable.
You’re not being picked apart. You’re being sharpened.
Keep growing and glowing up!
You got this!
Yours truly,
Your Fairygodmentor®
About Joyel Crawford:
Joyel Crawford is an award-winning career and leadership development professional and founder of Crawford Leadership Strategies, a consultancy that empowers results-driven leaders through coaching, training, and facilitation. She’s the best-selling author of Show Your Ask: Using Your Voice to Advocate for Yourself and Your Career.
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