5 Ways to Talk to Your Mate About Money
Black Enterprise Magazine September/October 2018 Issue

I sat down with Cassandra “Coach Cass” Henriquez, relationship coach and founder of Inspire Many, about ways to effectively talk to your mate about money. Here’s what she said:

 

1.  Timing Is Everything

 

Before initiating a conversation about money, let’s take a few things off the table, which will just make the conversation much more smoothly. Your mate cannot be hungry, tired, or sex deprived during this important conversation.(Yes–get it in!)

Think about it; if you want to have a high-functioning conversation that is going to require compromise, thinking on your feet, and getting those financial goals out of your head and into your wallet, you need to be at your absolute best. So, carve out some “we” time, after everyone has had their basic needs satisfied.

 

2. Define Your Money Morals

 

It is highly likely that you and your partner have different money habits. In a relationship, one person may really value travel, while the other really enjoys the security of seeing money in the bank. Having open conversations about each person’s values and making compromises is important. Once you and your partner understand how you relate to money, the two of you can begin working out a money marriage that reflects the union, as opposed to just yourself.

 

 

Keep a record of you “money morals” and leave some space for you and your partner’s morals to evolve. As you began to focus on blending your budget, you will find that two of you are gleaning from each other.

Once the blind spots and weaknesses have been exposed, you both can leverage your flaws to really build your finances. For instance, one of you loves to shop and, prior to this conversation, would shop online and hide the bags and the receipts. Now, that your little secret has been exposed you can really deal with your habits. Your partner can really assist you in seeing how your shopping is hindering you from getting to your next goal. In this conversation, the other party may have to deal with how long it takes to do repairs on the car or on the home, and those delays may cause long-term budget conflicts.

Now that the two of you are family and sharing finances, these types of conversations must happen. As the union evolves, you will continue to learn what your mate really believe about money, abundance, lack, sharing, giving, and withholding. The goal is to take the best parts of yourself, in terms of your spending habits, to build a budget that you both will be comfortable with and proud of.

 

3. Clarify Your Financial Frustrations

 

Oftentimes, we hold on to our financial frustrations, rather than just letting them out in a way that can be confronted. Having financial agreements with people outside of the relationship can cause financial frustration for couples. Partners loaning money to relatives without their mate’s approval or buying expensive toys–new gadgets, clothes, and so on–without a prior conversation about the purchase can serve as an agitation to the problem. In those scenarios, the frustration of the money being spent and the inner turmoil that lingers can spill into other parts of the relationship. Coach Cass suggests addressing the problem head on and being totally transparent about the issue can lead to happier times.

 

4.   Less ‘Me’ and More ‘We’ Talk

 

If we spend more time talking about “we” goals as opposed to ” me” goals, couples can get to their money Mecca a lot sooner. Set up a plan with your partner that gets you both excited for a happy financial future. This can be anything from saving up for a dream vacation, to setting yourselves up for a happy retirement. Remember, the goals you set not only help make your dreams a reality, but it gives you both something to look forward to. When you work together as a team, there really is no limit to what you can accomplish together.

 

 5. Find Some Financial Faith

 

Getting on one page about finances can be quite the challenge, but you can lessen the togetherness process by simply relying on a source greater than yourself. Having a family that is in insurmountable debt, filing for bankruptcy, and student loans are all problems that will require you to increase your financial faith. To accomplish this goal, identify things that are already going well for your family financially, then spend some time implementing more of that. Remember that tough times can only last so long, and putting your faith in something greater than yourself can make those tough times easier.

Talking money can be difficult for many couples, but hopefully, these five simple tips will help you and your mate achieve your personal and financial goals. Team work makes the dream work!

 

 

 


Shani Curry St.Vil is the host of  Purse Empowerment TV, and the author of 10 Things Every Woman Should Keep In Her Purse. A wife and mother of two enjoys sharing her financial failures and feats in a funny, relatable, money motivating manner. To learn more about how Shani can put more power in your purse by boosting your credit score, becoming a homeowner, and investing in real estate to create wealth, visit her website www.purseempowerment.com.

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Shani Curry St.Vil

Every time I come in contact with someone I want to remind them of just how Power-full they truly are. Literal, #Purse Empowerment! I do this by empowering mostly women (some men) tackle their financial frustrations rather its saving their 1st $10,000, eliminating thousands of dollars in credit card debt, accelerating the process of paying off their student loan debt, boosting their credit scores, purchasing their first homes, converting their 1st homes into investments and even creating a business that will produce even more wealth for them to save, spend, share and invest. I am really good at this because I was a Journalism major (Yes, I went to school to be a news reporter) turned Banker, turned Car Saleswoman ( I sold Luxury cars for a year), turned Insurance Agent ( I am Licensed to sale Life, Health& Variable Annuities ( 7 years) and I purchased my 1st investment property at the age of 22 and then lost my job! I share all of this with you because when you join the Purse Empowerment community you gain access to my inner News Reporter that is super charismatic, and super noisy about all things financial. There is nothing like a news reporter who enjoys picking apart everything about everything to make sure that you are getting the most accurate information when it comes to Personal Finance. I mentioned my licenses and the products that I have sold because when you sale a product you are forced to learn the Pros & Cons of it to keep your licensed, remain in compliance and to be on par or above your competitors! I learned to boost my own Credit Score, because when I purchased my 1st property I had to wait 2 years before I could actually purchase My credit score was so low, you could have mistaken if for my weight. I improved it within 2 years from a 520 to a 650! I learned to purchase property because the 1st property that I ever purchased was negotiated by me; I was able to convince the seller to throw in all sorts of bells and whistles when it came to property improvements and renovations along with down payment assistance. I know what a lender is looking for when it comes to issuing Car Loans, Business Loans, and unsecured loans because for 3 years I was a banker and it was my job to approve and/ or and decline loans. I know how to save money because while partnering with my husband we decided to rent out my 1st property, move in with my in-laws, skip out on a $20,000 wedding and have since become property owners 3 times over all before the age of 35! Oh, and when it comes to purchasing a Car, I know how women are often duped by car salesman when it comes to purchasing a car because I was once colleagues with some of the smoothest talking car salesman you ever want to buy a car from. So, when it comes to redefining yourself as a girl who lost her 1st real job after purchasing her 1st property, being a wife of 6 years, the mother of two tots ages 3 and 5 (might I add boys), publishing her 1st book 10 Things Every Woman Should Keep In Her Purse while pregnant, launching a successful web series ( Purse Empowerment WebTV) with over 25,000 monthly viewers, and building a thriving business of 5 years where I partner with individuals, large organizations, and corporate sponsors to ensure that no woman defines herself by the status symbol of her Purse but by the wealth & wisdom contained inside of it! #PurseEmpowerment!


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