‘Pleasure, Please!’: Ashley Cobb Discusses New Book And The Leap Of Faith That Paid Off

The small-town girl-turned-sexpert-author discusses her journey from a Bible Belt childhood to a life of self-defined freedom.

Ashley Cobb is an award-winning sex expert, HIV activist, writer, speaker, and social media influencer. She is known for her no-holds-barred approach to sexual freedom, especially for Black women, through her online platform, Sex With Ashley. The sexpert has a new title to add to her repertoire — author. Her new book, Pleasure, Please!: The Black Woman’s Guide to Unapologetic Pleasure and Confidence hit bookshelves on Feb. 17.

Cobb recently sat down with BLACK ENTERPRISE to discuss the book and her ever-evolving brand, Sex With Ashley.

The sex educator first gained attention in 2015 with her Sex With Ashley blog, a platform she created not because she had all the answers, but because she was searching for them. Before becoming a sex educator, she once served as a “purity-culture leader,” encouraging women to abstain from sex until marriage. At the time, she embraced messaging that framed sexuality through rigid religious ideology instead of her own autonomy.

“I kind of felt like I was doing that because that’s what I was told to do, but it really wasn’t what I wanted to do,” Cobb told BE.

Stepping away from those teachings allowed Cobb to explore her sexuality more honestly. Cobb, who grew up in the small town of Raeford, North Carolina, says that talking openly about sex was considered a sin in her household, making her path to becoming a sex educator especially taboo. Cobb said that she knew that other Black women, especially those who shared her Black Southern church roots, probably had similar trepidations around their own sexuality. She was correct. Her blog resonated with thousands of readers who were also unlearning shame and seeking more affirming conversations about sex.

While working as a middle school teacher during the day, Cobb blogged about all things sex in her free time. The Sex With Ashley blog saw significant growth early on, not only gaining Cobb online fame but also earning her the nickname “the sex lady” when people recognized her in public.

But the popularity came with consequences. One of her students’ parents reported the online platform to the school administration. Cobb explains that although Sex With Ashley was informational, targeted at adults, and contained no explicit images, her employer still found it inappropriate.

School officials gave Cobb an ultimatum: either delete the blog and keep her job, or keep the blog and resign.

“I chose the latter,” Cobb said.

The writer states that she knew Black women needed a space that centered them and the complexities of the Black experience. She decided to find a new job and continue writing. Her new employer also eventually let her go after learning about the blog. She experienced the same fate at her next job.

After three consecutive dismissals, Cobb knew she was at a crossroads: she had to either stop blogging or go “full throttle” with the Sex With Ashley brand.

As part of her leap of faith, the sexpert began teaching sex-focused classes and became a Bedroom Kandi sex toy consultant. She says she didn’t set out to become a social media influencer, but when she started sharing educational videos on Instagram, she naturally took on that role.

Cobb shifted her focus from blogging to content creation. In 2021, she launched a podcast. The Sex With Ashley Podcast is a weekly show offering “unfiltered conversations about Black sexuality.”

The content creator returned to school to earn a degree in Public Health, which led to a shift in her platform. She began incorporating sexual health topics into her sex-positive space and started discussing subjects like STIs, HIV, and fertility. Additionally, she began writing articles and columns for Black women’s lifestyle publications.

Pleasure, Please!

In 2023, her successful online brand gained the attention of a book editor who reached out to Cobb with a book proposal. The two began developing ideas that led to the creation of Pleasure, Please!: The Black Woman’s Guide to Unapologetic Pleasure and Confidence. Cobb says that the book offers practical advice for Black women of all ages who want to unlearn unhealthy ideas about sex that are often rooted in patriarchy, religion, and social conditioning.

“This book is for any Black woman who wants to learn how to have better sex, wants to feel more confident in her body, and wants to be able to learn how to make pleasure a priority in their life,” the author tells BE.

Additionally, Cobb shares her personal journey to sexual liberation. In the book, she recounts several eye-opening experiences, including hosting a nude yoga class. She recalls watching women arrive shy and hesitant, only to become more confident in their bodies as they saw other women doing the same.

Released on Feb. 17: Pleasure, Please!: The Black Woman’s Guide to Unapologetic Pleasure and Confidence is available for purchase online and at most major book retailers.