Loving That Job Could Cost You Your Self-Worth

Relationship coach Francesca Hogi says professionals need to rethink what it really means to "love" their careers.

Many professionals proudly proclaim that they love their jobs. But according to relationship and dating coach Francesca Hogi, that devotion may actually be costing some their well-being.

In a recent episode of the FROM THE CULTURE podcast, Hogi joined award-winning marketer and University of Michigan professor Dr. Marcus Collins to discuss the principles behind her book, How to Find True Love: Unlock Your Romantic Flow and Create Lasting Relationships. During the conversation, Hogi, a former corporate lawyer, argued that the same framework for cultivating healthy romantic relationships should be applied to help people evaluate their careers.

“We treat love as a feeling,” Hogi said, explaining that many people remain in unhealthy relationships because they allow their emotions to outweigh poor treatment. The same pattern, she suggested, often plays out in the workplace as employees justify staying in jobs where they are underpaid, undervalued, or passed over for promotions simply because they “love” what they do. Hogi, however, challenged that mindset, arguing that genuine love extends beyond emotion and is grounded in mutual respect, intimacy, safety, joy, and appreciation. Applying that standard to work raises difficult questions.

“How can you really love your job if you don’t feel safe in your job?” Hogi asked during the conversation. If the dedication and respect you give your employer isn’t reciprocated, then she says you run the risk of normalizing mistreatment, often because you don’t see yourself as worthy of better. If a workplace consistently undermines an employee’s dignity or sense of security, she argues, remaining in that environment may signal a disconnect between professional commitment and personal worth.

Hogi also challenged the belief that people must earn love—or validation—through constant achievement. She said many professionals internalize the idea that working longer hours, sacrificing personal time, and proving themselves repeatedly will eventually make them worthy of recognition.

While Hogi describes herself as a workaholic, she emphasized that she refuses to tie her value to her productivity. Dr. Collins reflected on how that distinction resonated with his own career, admitting that being “chosen” for opportunities helped build his confidence but can also become a trap if external validation becomes the primary measure of self-worth. Rather than waiting to be selected by an employer or organization, Hogi encourages people to remember they also have the agency to choose workplaces that honor their humanity.

For professionals navigating burnout, toxic work environments, or career transitions, her message is a timely reminder that passion for work should never require sacrificing respect, psychological safety, or personal dignity. She encourages workers to ask themselves if their job doesn’t respect them, is it really a relationship worth loving?