December 12, 2025
Ask Your Fairygodmentor: How To Manage Up When You’re Remote
You deserve a solid relationship with your manager
Dear Fairygodmentor,
I struggle to build a strong relationship with my manager in a fully remote role. How do I manage up effectively?
– Remote but Present
Dear Remote but Present,
I overstand how you feel about wanting to build a stronger relationship with your manager. Remote work can make even the simplest communication feel like an Olympic sport! You’re not imagining things. Building trust through a laptop screen is harder. You’re probably thinking “But Fairygodmentor®, managing up remotely is impossible! It can’t be done!”
I’m going to sound like a 3 a.m infomercial – but this CAN be done, but only if you’re working with intention. Let me show you how.
Start With Clarity, Not Guesswork
I’d like to suggest you do something that may feel a bit awkward and unsettling – set up a brief alignment conversation. I highly suggest that you set up regular one-on-one meetings with your manager so that this will be less awkward in the future.
One of my Fairygodmentors made an amazing document that I customized for my managers and it works like a charm. It’s called a “How I Like To Be Coached Form.” It shares all of the things that I need from my manager to be the best I can be. It’s also management gold – I provided each of my team members a copy so that I can learn how to best communicate with them.
In this situation, you can flip the script and ask your manager how they like to communicate, too. This takes out all of the ambiguity of trying to read your manager’s mind as you both go about your day.
Always make an agenda. Have a script of questions that you’d like to ask them. These questions could sound like:
• How do you prefer to communicate?
• What helps you feel informed but not overwhelmed?
• What’s one thing that I can do that would make your life easier as my manager?
Show Your Work – Visibility Without Being “Extra”
You can be visible while working remotely, but you need to put your brand out there. It’s not bragging – it’s giving context. How will anyone know what you’re about, what talents and skills you bring to table, if you’re not marketing yourself?
Keep your manager in the loop with short weekly updates. Getting that standing one-on-one meeting on their calendar is visibility gold! Provide them with clear deadlines and early heads-ups. You never want your manager to be caught off-guard or surprised by something that could have been communicated sooner. Speaking of proactiveness, make sure to let your manager know what you need to be successful (resources, decisions, clarity).
The key is to make sure you balance your presence without being performative.
Build a Rhythm of Connection
A lot of clients ask me, “How much connection is too much connection with my manager?” It depends, but it doesn’t hurt to Show Your Ask and advocate for time with them.
Simply asking them what works best for the both of you can work. If they’re stumped, you can offer some simple cadence options that may work:
• Weekly or biweekly one-on-one meetings
• Monthly “pulse checks”
• Quarterly “How are we working together?” conversations
People manage people, not tasks – and relationships need watering. If you want this relationship to flourish, you need to ensure this is a priority for both of you.
Communicate with Emotional Intelligence
You’re going to need to lead with transparency. Share what you’re working on, what you are getting stuck on, and what would unlock things for you.
Micro-phrases that have worked well for me as I worked and led in remote settings were:
• “Before this gets too far, I’d love your insights on _____.”
• “Here’s what I am recommending – does this align with how you’d approach it?”
• “How can I better anticipate what you need from me?”
Create Your Own ‘Presence’ Even When You’re Not In-Person
There are always ways to humanize your relationship remotely. This works for everyone. Yes, even if you’re an introvert.
• Put your camera on when it counts. Especially when you’re giving and receiving feedback.
• Having two-minute check-ins that aren’t just status updates
• Celebrating wins
• Leaders bring solutions to the table, not problems. Offer ideas. Don’t wait to be asked.
Just remember that being quiet doesn’t equal invisible – but silence can be misinterpreted. We want you to shine the brightest even when you’re not physically in your manager’s orbit.
I’ve been asking you to manage up. This is a key to career success, my friend!
Coaching upwards remotely isn’t manipulation – it’s collaboration.
I was a part of several top-performing teams as a direct report and as their leader – and the key factor in those teams’ successes was my desire to make it successful in my own way. I curated the career I wanted, regardless of the proximity to my team mates and manager.
You deserve a solid relationship with your manager, even if you never share the same zip code. Show Your Ask, honor your boundaries, and see the dynamic shift take place!
You got this!
Yours truly,
Your Fairygodmentor®
About Joyel Crawford:
Joyel Crawford is an award-winning career and leadership development professional and founder of Crawford Leadership Strategies, a consultancy that empowers results-driven leaders through coaching, training, and facilitation. She’s the best-selling author of Show Your Ask: Using Your Voice to Advocate for Yourself and Your Career.
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